Questioning yourself is something that is very normal. I’ve done it for years, which is why I decided to make this post. I’ve gone through so many phases of style, likes, dislikes, friendship groups, etc. And I’ve never really ‘fit in’ anywhere. I don’t have a group of friends; I have multiple individual friends who are there for me no matter what, which is amazing!
I feel as though social media plays a massive role in who we are as it influences us, in a way. The way we post on Instagram, the things we like on Facebook and the posts we parade up for the world to see along with our ‘circle of friends’. It all counts. Others on social media influence us. We often compare ourselves, asking ourselves “why am I not like them?”, etc. which is silly because we are amazing as we are as individuals. I know that I used to look up to the so-called ‘Tumblr’ scene years ago when I first got into using it properly (circa 2012) and it had an influence on me a lot. I used to want what the popular bloggers wore, have their friendship groups, etc. It’s so silly. But being a young girl entered into the world of the internet I wanted to feel relevant somehow.
I often wonder, what exactly is my genre? What do I like? Should I be listening to a certain type of music, dress a certain way, to be involved with people and likeable? And at the age of 17 I realised that I was being incredibly stupid. Why please people? Why should I not listen to the music I like and dress the way I want? I’m different. I’ve known that from very early ages when I used to pretend I was Wednesday Addams in the school playground and deliberately scare other children away with a devilish look in my eyes. But I am happy with who I have become and what I am going to be. I may change in the next year. I may change in the next 5 years. Nothing can take away my individuality. I just want to be me, no regrets, no changes for others. Just me.
My friends take me for how I am, no matter how different I am to them. My boyfriend adores me and appreciates my weirdness. Even on the odd occasion, he lets me listen to my music in his car (this is extremely special – he never lets me do it!). But I’m surrounded by people who embrace the weird and the wonderful of my personality. The message is, like what you like. Don’t try to fit in. I still haven’t found people who are the same as me and still don’t have a friendship group or a real ‘squad’. All of this is okay.
Embrace your weird.
Lots of love,